Marriage is not easy because life is not easy. Once you begin a life together, problems will come up. There are certain things you will need to learn in order to save your marriage and improve your relationship. When we are emotional, we tend to let it get the best of us before we even realize it. Using certain strategies and tactics used in everyday life can help avoid some of our unhealthy emotional reactions
If your marriage is experiencing problems and divorce has come up, then chances are that its a cry for help from your spouse. It is a vital warning sign that saying; "If things do not get better then it is over". This is your chance to save your marriage and make things better. It is very important that you learn the right things to do here because the wrong move, could make things worse. It could speed up the process or finalize the decision of divorce.
It is obviously a critical time for your marriage and if you intend on staying married you will need to find the right information and apply it correctly. There is so much involved that it is not possible to cover everything, all at once right here, but there are some actions you can take to get things started. I will provide ten different strategies to help save your marriage and stop divorce from being inevitable. The things that you can do during the period of time when your spouse is considering divorce are best provided by professionals who are experts on this subject. Taking action on your own can actually cause more harm than good. So be extremely careful to find the right, the best information to save your marriage.
The guidelines to follow in an attempt to reverse your spouse from contemplating divorce are simple enough to learn, however, to apply them and put them into practice are a different story. It requires a certain amount of determination, devotion, and self discipline on your part but you absolutely can save your marriage if you utilize these requirements. This will not be easy, but will certainly be worth it in the end, once your marriage relationship is back on track and your life can begin improving overall.
The ten strategies to save your marriage & stop divorce are listed in order of what to do first, then following the sequence chronologically. In other words, try not to skip ahead or start in the middle as each one requires support of the previous step.
1. Give them space. Especially if there was recently a big blow-up. Yet even if there was not one, still let things go for at least 24hrs. if not longer. People need time to process what is happening to them. The more you agitate the situation the more desperate you appear and the more problems seem to be piling up on them. If it appears that there is just more of the same then the decision for divorce will be an easier more firm one to make.
If you allow them time to think things through they will ultimately reason out that divorce is a huge deal and final too. They will not rush this decision unless you apply more pressure. Even though your intentions are to convince them otherwise it will not come out that way during this time. It is a delicate balance of subtlety and silence. Quietness builds character and mystery. Once your spouse is through contemplating their thoughts will then turn to what they wonder you are thinking. IF you are constantly telling them what you think then they have no need to wonder about what your thinking.
2.Analyze and Identify with yourself. During this time of *SPACE* do some inventory of yourself and find out what it is that you can either improve on or discontinue doing that may have caused issue or problems previously. Identify the major issues that you believe you do that are responsible for causing the trouble. Once you have done an adequate amount of self reflection then 'quietly' ask yourself what your spouse does,(without blaming them)that bothers you. It is more important that you analyze yourself first & also more intensive than your spouse because blaming others is easy.Saving your marriage means saving yourself. Taking responsibility for yourself is the real challenge.
One thing I like to do is write down all my shortcomings, inadequacies, and faults. It makes it a lot easier to see and then I will list them in order of importance. Devise a way to catch yourself from continuing on in the same manner, so that you can improve on your faults. Then, ask yourself if this is something that your spouse is also guilty of, and if so will they be willing to admit to it. The important thing to remember here is this is more about you than your spouse. It should be focused on you so that you and your spouse can better relate and get along. Find the one most important thing that you believe bothers your spouse and focus all your work on resolving this particular issue. Make that change and make it clear that you have made that change.
3.Break the Silence, Softly. After all your reflection and self analyzing, gently ask your partner if you can explain something to them. Be as soft and sincere as you possibly can. The way in which you approach your spouse is very important to how you will be received. If you are still the same then they will not believe what it is you have to explain. Then ask them if they have thought more about it. Listen, to them intently and then begin explaining to them what you have just done. Consistently keeping eye contact until a certain point and then explain to them that this is about yourself and not them. Tell them you have thought a lot about everything and that you have come to the conclusion that you need to work on yourself.
Explain how you both owe it to your marriage to try your very best otherwise you may look back on your lives with regret. No one wants to think back to what might have been and in almost every case of divorce this ends up being the case. People always report wondering Did I do everything I could? Was there something I over looked? Explain this to them so that they understand how necessary it is to be thorough. Divorce is serious business and involves a whole lot of outside elements beyond your marriage.
4. Remind them of A Happier Time in Your Relationship. This is very important. Get them reflecting on positive things about the relationship and what it means to the both of you. This will help in reminding them of the reasons you both got married in the first place, you fell in love. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with this each other and you knew there would be some hard times. Through sickness and health good times and the bad. Tell them that this is also very difficult for you and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. Explain to them that you want to know that you both did everything possible before getting a divorce so that you will not look back in regret like so many others do.
The next part is very difficult but very effective and before you think it is crazy check out the statistics.
5.Suggest Trial Separation. Do not just suggest this as a bluff, but be completely ready to do this. Actually mean it and be prepared to do it. At least for a given amount of time. Statistics indicate that marriages that go through with this, actually became stronger and did not divorce as opposed to those that stayed together. The married couples that tried to work things out and stayed together ended up in divorce court and never got back together. Those that went through a separation stayed married. This is the facts. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder and you will both miss each other and reflect on what is really important, Your Marriage!
Be sure to indicate that this in no way, shape, or form suspends the oaths you have made to each other. You should both remain faithful in every way. Just because you are taking time apart does not mean you ARE apart. Set up guidelines and make sure everything is clear and then stick to it. The amount of time apart should be settled on between you both and should also be long enough, though not too long. This is why it is so important to get more explicitly detailed information from professionals who are expert on dealing with this kind of thing. It works and is extremely effective in maintaining a healthy, happy, marriage relationship between you are your loved one.
6.Getting Active. Start something new for yourself. Get motivated and get moving on something that you have been putting off or always wanted to do but just never had the time. The more you work on other parts of your life the more complete you will be. You must become the person you once were when you first got married and to do that is by just being you. Doing an activity that is productive and that has been in your mind will facilitate this process entirely. Plus the energy that surrounds you from your achievements will be positive and will reflect onto others in example your partner.
I cannot stress this enough. Sometimes marriage can become all consuming when there is trouble and this makes it impossible to view objectively. Passion is the enemy of precision and will deter you from seeing any solution that may present itself. By concentrating on something other than your marriage you can distance yourself from it and see things a lot more clearly. This will also build up your confidence in yourself as well as give you more energy by raising your natural serotonin levels. All this will make you more appealing, attractive, desirable as a person. So you will in no way be wasting your time. Your marriage is worth the work and consequently so are you!
7.Project a Positive Self Image. Even if you feel like you are dying on the inside, do not let it show.At least not to your spouse. The more you act happy, the better the chance you will end up happy. At first this will seem like a completely fake and stupid thing to do but it will help you in your marriage crises in ways you cannot see at the moment. Studies indicate that the more positive energy that you project outward the more positive energy tends to return back to you in relationships.
This is a lot like 'emotional hot potato,' or the 'domino effect'. An example: The fathers boss screams at him and in turn he goes home and yells at his wife. She(the mother) in turn scolds her son harshly for leaving out the milk and he then, the son torments his little sister who then smacks the dog for... You get the point. It can be just like that only in reverse. Positive images create positive attitudes. The more uplifting you can be the better off the situation can tumble upwards.
One important thing to keep in mind is to use common sense in applying this. If you are truly angry or upset over something do not repress it. This is just a suggestive guideline to save your marriage and not something solid or complete. There are times when it would be inappropriate for you to deny yourself of your true feelings. Not to mention unhealthy. The best thing for this is to have someone to talk to. Someone you can trust, & let out your frustrations and complaints to. It does not always need to be a therapist in order to be therapeutic. It can be your mother, father, friend or whoever. Just make it a point to identify with your feelings and not to bottle them up. Which can make things much worse.
8.Learn Some New Ways To Approach Your Concerns. Obviously the ways you address your problems are currently not working all that well. Find new creative ways that will work, like using *I* statements when your asking for changes. When your spouse does something that your not happy with address it right away before it builds up and gets out of hand. Think about it first and then with calm and collective premeditation help them understand the reason behind your requests in place of pointing a judgemental finger.Try them out on others,(that do not mean as much) first, before adding pressure to your already stressed marriage relationship.
9.Do Not Apologize Anymore. This one is another common sense suggestion. What I am talking about is when you make the one you love feel uncomfortable in front of others or something similar. Just say that next time you will definitely know better. If you get into the habit of constantly apologizing for things it can get annoying, plus subconsciously this makes for admittance to wrong doing. If you apologize you are making plain that you are at fault and that something is wrong. Never apologize, instead suggest a solution out loud and remark that it was unintentional.
10.Empower Yourself To Your Situation. Knowledge is the key to power. Get the best information you can find on helping you save your marriage.This advice is critical and must be from outside of your circle of friends. Just make sure it is up to date and from a dedicated professional.
Unfortunately, the best advice is not something you will find for free; otherwise it is not "THE BEST". The best advice works and it sells for exactly that reason. A professional or expert, went to school and was trained in what provides the best solutions possible to save your marriage. Otherwise, the information would not be worth selling. Chances are if the information is selling well, then the information also works well too.
The good thing here, is that it does not have to cost an arm and a leg and it will certainly be much cheaper and easier than divorce. Marriage help is best begun from the bottom up. Start with an e-book, to find out if your marriage needs the more intensive treatment and more expensive "Marriage Counseling". It will be worth it in the long run because your marriage situation will improve and you will learn more of what you can do about the marriage problems your having.
Saving your marriage is a learning process. This will come from finding out about what other marriages going through and what has worked for them.The right Information is the key to empowering yourself and giving you the confidence and reassurance that you are doing what is right.
There is so much more to learn for your specific marriage situation. Certain anecdotes that others apply may very well be all that you need to change things around and progress back into a happy marriage. Getting the marriage that you deserve is something you have to decide and want by taking action. Things will only continue to get more entangled the longer you put it off.
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Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Ten-Tactics-and-Strategies-to-Help-Save-Your-Marriage&id=3437220] Ten Tactics & Strategies to Help Save Your Marriage
